Pissy Menstraul Sharp PMS
by Obsessed-With-Obsessions555
Summary: Something is going on with Deryn, and Alek can't find out. Will he find out? And if he does, will he be able to cope? Going to be multi-chapter with a whole lotta humor
1. Grumpy Deryn, confused Alek

**Hey! Thank you everyone who reviewed on "Christmas with the Sharps", it really means a lot to me :3**

**Anyways, I had this idea yesterday to write a short, funny story on Deryn getting her period and Alek trying his best to help and understand her womanly ways XD. This is pretty much based off how I act when I get mine...like right now. **

**Umm, I guess this is happening right after the kiss. Ya know... sometime after that...**

**Disclaimer: I dont actually have to say anything, I mean, the "Disclaimer" explains it all...**

Part 1: Grouchy Deryn, confused Alek

I walk into Deryn's cabin, only to be met with the sight of her pacing around the room and fuming. I have no idea what happened to her, but I am surely determined to find out. She looks up at me with fire in her eyes as I walk towards her.

"Ummm, are you alright, Der?" I tentatively ask.

"Do I look okay? And don't call me "Der", I am not yer barking pet!" She seeths, obviously upset at something. Bovril shifts on my shoulder and mutters something like "grumpy Deryn Sharp". I am utterly comfused. What could've happened to her?

"Alright", I say, "Please don't be mad at me, I am only trying to help. I want to know what is wrong so I can help you through it. I am really trying to understand what is happening with you, and you need to tell me so I can make it better."

She stormes over to me and says more calmly, "You can't help, I just have to wait for it to pass."

"Umm, wait for what to pass?" I ask.

"You dummkopf, I'm barkin' PMSing!"

"Wait, what is "PMS"?

Deryn exhales, looking like she was going to cry. "just, go talk to barlow. Apparently you dont know anything about the female's body, you daft prince." She still called me that, even after I traded my throne for her. I quickly ran out of her cabin, afraid of anymore of "Deryn's wrath". I walked up to Dr. Barlow's room, and swiftly rapped on the door.

"Ah, Alek, how are you?" Barlow said, opening the door.

"I, er...Deryn is acting really strange and grouchy, and she told me to come to you so you could explain."

She chuckled, knowing exactly what I didn't.

"Come in Alek. Come, have a seat. Would you care for some tea?" she asked as I sat down on one of her small couches.

"Um, no thank you. The only thing I'm here for is answers." _And maybe a sedetive for Deryn_, I thought.

"Alright," Barlow said, sipping her tea very lady-like in front of me. "Where do I begin? Ah, okay. Alek, how much do you know about feminine biology?"

I thought back to days with my tutor. My tutor had taught him many, many things, but only then did I realize that he hadn't taught me about the human body very much.

"No, actually. Sorry." I said cautiously.

"Well then, I believe it is time for a little lesson. Don't you, mister Ferdinand?"

After an extremely traumatizing health lesson, walked feebly back to Deryn's cabin. I have no idea how she is going to be acting now. Barlow told me that Deryn is just having mood swings, but I think that if I am caught on one of her swings again, I might not be able to handle it.

As soon as I walk throught the door, Deryn runs up to me crying. She hugs me tightly, then says something that shocked me so much.

"I love you, Alek!"

AN: I am soooo sorry I havent been able to update on "Christmas with the Sharps"! I did this to make up for it...don't hurt me...please? I promise it will be up soon! I am just extremely busy.


	2. So be it

**Hi guys, I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while. I just got out of school, so I can write more frequently now! Yay! Alrighty, I am going to be updating this story whenever I'm on **_**my **_**period. Okay, let's get on with the story!**

Chapter 2: So be it

I can't handle it anymore. Since I am the only one on the ship who knows about Deryn's secret (besides Barlow and Volger; I'll be dead before they help me with her), I have to be the one who is there for her to dump her clart on. It's frusterating, but I love her, so I try my best.

I open the door to her cabin, bringing her potatoes (her favorite), and immidiatly set down the tray of 'taters and run over to her.

"Deryn, what's wrong?" Oh no. I believe I just boarded the Mood Swing Express.

"Nothing", she mutters with tears streaming down her face. "I just feel...empty."

What the hell does that mean? I will never understand women.

"O...kay. Did you want to take a walk in Italy? We just landed here for a quick stop on supplies."

"No, I don't. But I do. I want to go, but I don't want to be doing the act of getting there before I'm there."

..._What?_

Okay, this is hard. Oh! I know; when I was a little boy, my mother said that there were two things that always make everyone feel just a little bit better; Chocolate and laughter. I don't really think that Deryn wants a good laugh right now; I believe that will just piss her off more, or make her more sad, or whatever. So, chocolate it is.

"Hey Deryn? Why don't you go climb the ratlines, I think you need some fresh air. I am going to take a short detour in Italy and I will bring you back a surprise, okay?"

"...Sure. Just don't buy me a dress. I will cut you if you do." She got up slowly, and went into the bathroom. I heard some ripping noises, then she was back out wearing only boxers. She handed me her pants. I looked at her curiously.

"Umm, could you um...you know, while you are going for a walk...could you...erm...take these to the Lautus'? They sorta got..stained."

"Oh.." I said, carefully holding the pants so I wouldn't...touch anything. "Sure."

She looked relieved, and sauntered over to her bed. "I'm just gonna take a wee nap. I'll go get some fresh air later."

"Okay, I'll see you later liebe."

I ran out of her cabin, and headed for the washing room. To wash their clothes, the darwinists had created these creatures called Lautus. Lautus in Latin meant "clean". The creatures looked somewhat like a seal. I threw the pants into one of the Lautus's mouth, and walked happily off the ship in search of Italian chocolate.

Beautiful building surrounded me, shining with the brilliance of the luminous lights cascading down the tall structures. Italy. I walked through the hurried crowd, asking random strangers if there was any chocolate around. Barely any of them spoke English, so I tried out my Italian. I was always horrible at this language when I was with my tutor, but I tried my best.

I ran up to a man, and tried my best to ask where a bakery was, or a chocolate shop. Since I had no idea what the word "chocolate" is in Italian, I just stuck to "bakery".

"Infornare...uh...negozio?" I stammered. As I said, I am horrible at Italian, so I basically just said "bake shop".

The man quickly fumbled for something in his pocket, and pulled out a pocket book that said "_Learning Italian: the pocket book"._ He skimmed through the pages, then gave up in desperation. He looked at me apologetically. "I am so sorry, but I don't speak Italian." He had a British accent. I smiled in relief.

"Good", I said, "Because neither do I. I was wondering, do you know know if there is a chocolate shop close by?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact young man, I do. It is called _Venchi_, and if you walk for a little bit, turn right on the second street, then another right, and it will be the third shop on your left. I was just there myself! Excellent chocolate, young lad, excellent indeed."

"Thank you so much!" I sprinted in the direction that he had told me, trying to be quick, seeing as the ship would be leaving in about 45 minutes. I ran into the small shop called _Venchi, _and, with a lot of struggle with languages, finally got one bag of rich, yummy, happy... chocolate.

When I got back to the ship, I found Deryn relaxing in bed, reading a book. A _non-fiction_ book called "_History of Italy"_. I was shocked; Deryn hated reading anything besides fiction.

"What is this?" I feighned surprise, " Deryn Sharp, _the _Deryn Sharp, is reading a history book?"

"Oh shut up, ya daft bum-rag. Newkirk picked it up for me and I had nothin' else to do, so I started reading."

"Great! Well, I picked up a treat for you. But in order for you to get said treat, you must close your eyes and no peaking!" She did as I asked, so I quietly grabbed a chocolate from the bag, and put it in my mouth. It was very...chocolaty. I immediately felt happy when I chewed it, like all of the bliss in the world was contained in that piece of brown goodness.

I leaned forward, and softly placed my lips upon hers. She opened her eyes in shock, but I just smiled in the kiss and she relaxed. We started to move our lips together, two people, two lips, joined by the strong force of love. Then I remembered why I was doing this in the first place, and slowly opened my mouth. Our tongues embraced, and she glided her tongue around curiously, tasting the chocolate. She smiled wide and broke the kiss, much to my disappointment.

"Chocolate? Is that the treat? Or was it the kiss?" she asked slyly.

"I believe it was both." I answered.

" Well then", she said, "I am always up for seconds."

"So be it."

**How did you guys like it? Woohoo! The longest story I have ever written! Yay! Okay, chapter 3 will be up soon, depending on how I am feeling mood wise. This one was written because today I felt empty, and like nobody could understand me. Heck, I couldn't even understand me!**


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